#6: Confidence - The Real, Unfiltered Guide To Finding Your Inner Baddie (Even After 3 Hours Of Sleep)
Alright mama’s, let’s be real —confidence as a mom is like that elusive unicorn that only shows up when you’re not looking for it. Some days, it feels like you’re killing it. Your kids are fed, dressed, and the house is relatively clean (in mom terms, that means no random snack bags scattered everywhere). And other days, well… let’s just say it’s a miracle you managed to brush your teeth before lunchtime.
But guess what? Confidence is not something that just magically happens when life is smooth sailing. It’s all about how you grow it, nurture it and thrive in it. It’s how we get shit done, how we approach the hard times, how we handle the meltdowns or hour-long meetings & get through it no matter what so that we can add it to our “portfolio of proof” (thank you Tam Kaur) that truly grows our confidence. Let's dive into how to make confidence your bitch, even when life throws glitter bombs (aka tantrums, picky eaters, and slime-covered clothes) your way.
1. Embrace the Imperfection - You’re Not Wonder Woman, and That’s Okay!
First things first: nobody is perfect, especially not moms. We all have that one friend who seems to have it all together—her kids eat organic, she does yoga every morning, and her Pinterest boards are aesthetically flawless. But here’s the thing: she’s human, too. So, let go of the myth of the "perfect mom."
You don’t have to Wonder Woman. You don’t have to have a squeaky clean house, gourmet cooked meals, or a degree in child psychology to be a great mom. You just need to show up. And sometimes showing up means taking a break, skipping the gym, or making frozen pizza for the third night in a row. And guess what? That’s perfectly fine.
Pro Tip: If you feel like you’re drowning in mess and expectations, take a moment and say to yourself, “I am doing my best, and that’s enough.” Let those words sink in, and repeat as needed. Spoiler: It works.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to That One Mom Who Seems to Have It All Together
We all know that one mom who posts her perfectly curated photos of her kids doing something amazing while she effortlessly sips on organic matcha lattes. Then there’s you, trying to hide the fact that you’ve been wearing the same yoga pants for three days and your toddler is wearing mismatched socks. One of my favorite and most well-known quotes is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And that is so true, it actually hurts.
Here’s the truth: social media is not real life. It’s a curated highlight reel, not the blooper reel. Think about it, do you post your tornado of a morning before school on Facebook? Have you ever posted on Instagram you cooking your third dinner because the first two dinners you made, your kids wouldn’t eat? Post a selfie on your Snapchat story right before you finally take your shower after 4 days? Hell no. Your worth as a mom isn’t measured by how your house looks, how well-behaved your kids are, or how many likes you get on a perfectly filtered selfie.
Pro Tip: The next time you scroll through your feed and feel a little "meh" about yourself, remember this: you are exactly where you need to be. No one has it all figured out, no matter how polished their online presence looks. You’re amazing, even when your toddler has crayons in her hair.
3. Fake It ‘Till You Make It (Seriously, It Works)
Confidence isn’t something that just appears one day like magic. It’s built, piece by piece, and sometimes, that means faking it until it feels real. Now, I’m not saying you should fake it in a way that feels phony or inauthentic. But what I am saying is that if you wait until you feel 100% confident before stepping into the mom role, you might be waiting forever. So go ahead—put on that cute outfit (even if it’s just your favorite oversized sweater) and rock it, even if your hair looks like a bird's nest.
Pro Tip: Try this trick: every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m a rockstar.” I know, it feels silly at first, but eventually, you’ll start to believe it. And if nothing else, you’ll get a good laugh.
4. Get Comfortable Saying “No” (Because You Can’t Be Everything to Everyone)
I know, I know. You want to be the mom who does it all—chauffeur, chef, therapist, personal shopper, and snack dispenser. But if you’ve been here a while, then you’ll know: you can’t do it all. And trying to do so will burn you out faster than you can say “sippy cup.”
So, it’s time to embrace the power of saying “no.” It might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're a people-pleaser, but trust me, your mental health will thank you. Saying no isn’t just about declining invitations or activities; it’s about saying yes to your own well-being. You deserve time for yourself.
Pro Tip: If you’re struggling with saying no, try this: “I’d love to, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.” Trust me, no one will bat an eye, and you’ll feel 10 times more empowered.
5. Laugh at the Chaos (Seriously, It’s All You Can Do)
One of the most powerful ways to build confidence as a mom is to find the humor in the chaos. Your kids will have meltdowns over things like the wrong color cup, and the house will always look like a tornado just hit. But you know what? That’s what makes it hilarious. The mess, the tantrums, the endless questions—they’re all part of the crazy, unpredictable journey of motherhood. And you’re handling it like a pro, even if you’re cringing inside.
So, the next time your toddler decides to throw spaghetti on the wall (literally or figuratively), just laugh. It’ll lighten the mood and remind you that you're doing great, even in the middle of the storm.
Pro Tip: Keep a stash of funny memes or mom jokes for those “I-can’t-handle-this” moments. Sometimes a good laugh is all you need to reset and feel like a confident, unstoppable force.
6. Create An Alter Ego - Other Then “Mom”
An alter ego allows you to tap into a version of yourself outside of being a mom. A version that’s bolder, more assertive, or more outgoing than you might feel on a day-to-day basis. By stepping into this persona, you might find the courage to speak up in meetings, take risks, or try new things that you might otherwise shy away from. When you adopt an alter ego, you can temporarily leave behind the worry of judgment or expectations, allowing you to act with more freedom and authenticity.
Your alter ego can also free you from the constraints of your normal thought patterns. When you take on a new identity, it can help you think outside the box and approach challenges from a fresh perspective. Beyonce has Sasha Fierce and Miley Cyrus has Hannah Montana, we should be able to have our own alter ego (especially when we’re tired of always just being a mom.)
Pro Tip: To create an alter ego as a mom, think of a supercharged version of yourself who can handle anything with grace and humor, even when life feels chaotic. Name her something fun and powerful—like Mama Marvel or The Baddie. (Mine’s Nikki Bea for reference) Then, when you're facing a tough moment (like a meltdown over mismatched socks or another tantrum about broccoli), step into your alter ego by taking a deep breath, straightening up, and imagining yourself as that badass mom. Visualize how she would handle the situation—cool, calm, and confident—no matter what.
It’s like giving yourself permission to be a little bit extra (in the best way possible) when you need it. And guess what? Over time, you might start to realize that the "alter ego" traits you’re channeling are already inside you, you just needed a little boost to your mindset to bring them out.
Recap:
Embrace The Imperfection - let go of the idea of being a “perfect” mom because it is a myth, we all are just trying to keep these little heathens fed, bathed, happy and healthy and that is as perfect as it needs to be. Everything else can wait.
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy - every single human being on this planet is different in every single way. The way we think, act, talk, look like, our likes and dislikes. Embrace YOU, because you are the only YOU in this whole world, baby girl.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It - visualize your highest, hottest and most patient version of yourself and embody all her traits daily to create your new reality.
“No” Is A Full Sentence - you are fully in your right to say “no” and not feel guilty. Focus on your well-being so you have more energy to focus on your baby's well-being.
Laugh It Off, Mama - from the wise words of Lil’ Wayne, “Confidence is a stain they can’t wipe off” and whoever tries? Laugh that shit off and move on.
Create Your “Hannah Montana” - think of a supercharged version of yourself who can handle anything with grace and humor, even when life feels chaotic
Being a mom isn’t about being perfect, and it definitely isn’t about having everything together. Confidence as a mom comes from knowing that you’re doing your best, even when things go off the rails. It’s about embracing the imperfections, laughing at the chaos, and giving yourself permission to be human.
So, throw on that favorite sweater, give yourself some grace, and rock this mom thing—one day at a time. You’ve got this, mama. And if you don’t feel confident today, know that tomorrow is a brand-new opportunity to try again. Now, go ahead and treat yourself to some ice cream, wine, chocolate - whatever your guilty pleasure is because you deserve it!
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-everything for busy moms! Thank you so much for reading and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
