#10: Mirror Talk: 7 Ways to Be Kinder to Your Own Damn Soul
You know that sweet little girl (or boy) you’re raising? The one who looks at you like you hung the moon? Imagine walking up to her and saying, “Wow, you’ve really let yourself go,” or “You’re not good enough,” or “Ugh, look at those thighs.” Can’t even imagine it, right? Because you’d never say that to her. But what about when you say it to yourself? We do it all the damn time.
Welcome to Mirror Talk. This is your reminder that how you speak to yourself matters—a lot. And it’s time to stop treating yourself like the exception to your own kindness.
This one’s deep, mama, but stick with me. We’re about to unpack how to rewire that inner dialogue so you talk to yourself like someone you actually love. With real, doable, messy-mom-life-style advice.
1. Notice the Mean Girl in Your Head
First things first: you've gotta catch her in the act. You know who I’m talking about—the one living rent-free in your head, talking trash while sipping a green juice and pretending she's just trying to "help you be better." Yeah, her.
She’s sneaky. She sounds exactly like you, which is rude, honestly. She’ll say things like “I’m just being honest,” or “I’m trying to motivate you,” but let’s call it what it is: mental sabotage in yoga pants.
She’s the Regina George of your inner world. And her favorite hobby? Picking apart everything you do, wear, eat, think, and feel.
Actionable Tip:
Start a “Thought Check” note in your phone. Seriously, just open your Notes app and label it “Mean Girl Watch” if that feels more on brand. Every time you catch yourself saying something rude to yourself—like “Ugh, you’re such a mess,” or “You’re never gonna get your sh*t together”—pause. Don’t spiral, don’t judge it, just write it down. Think of it like catching your kid mid-tantrum—you’re not shaming them, you’re just clocking the behavior.
Awareness is the first step to shutting her up. You can’t fight a ghost if you don’t know she’s haunting the place. This is your exorcism, mama—light your metaphorical sage.
2. Flip the Script: Would You Say That to Your Child?
Here’s your reality check: if you wouldn’t say it to your kid (or your best friend, or even your dog—who’s never paid rent but is still living their best life), it has no damn business taking up space in your brain.
Imagine your daughter comes to you and says, “Mom, I feel gross today,” or “I’m such a failure, I can’t keep up.” You’d immediately go full Mama Bear mode, right? You’d be like, “Excuse me? You are a literal miracle wrapped in human skin and mermaid dresses. Back it up with that nonsense.”
Now flip it. When you say those same mean things to yourself? Yeah—same energy, girl. You deserve that same love and compassion. Even if you’re saying it while brushing your teeth with a toddler on your hip and wearing a shirt that may or may not have breast milk, coffee, and mystery stains on it.
Actionable Tip:
Write down three things—just three—that you wish your child believed about herself. Stuff like:
“You are enough exactly as you are.”
“Rest is not lazy, it’s necessary.”
“You don’t need to earn love with perfection.”
Now here’s the cringe part (but also the magic part): say those things to yourself every morning. Out loud. Into the mirror. Yes, even if you're surrounded by scattered toys or yelling “WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?!” for the sixth time before 7 AM.
Make it weird. Make it awkward. Do it anyway. It still works. Because the truth is—your brain listens to you. So let’s start feeding it the good stuff.
3. Break Up with “Should”
Let’s talk about one of the most toxic little words in our vocab: should.
“I should be further along.”
“I should have more patience.”
“I should be a better mom, wife, daughter, human, meal planner, Pinterest-worthy birthday party thrower…”
Girl. NOPE. Shut it down.
“Should” is the guilt-trip queen of your mental chatter. It’s passive-aggressive. It’s judgy. And worst of all? It’s not even helpful. It doesn’t motivate—it shames. And we do not take orders from guilt-tripping mean girls anymore. That’s old news.
“Should” says, You’re not good enough the way you are.
“Could” says, You have options, power, and potential.
Actionable Tip:
Next time you hear a “should” creep in, hit it with a mental red flag. Pause. Then swap it out for “could.”
So “I should work out today” becomes → “I could move my body in a way that feels good today.”
“I should have kept my cool with the kids” becomes → “I could try something different next time and give myself some grace for being human.”
Totally different vibe, right? One feels like a punishment, the other feels like a choice. And you, mama, are allowed to choose what works for you, not what guilt says you “should” be doing.
Basically, if “should” were a boyfriend, we’d all be telling you to block his number and eat ice cream.
4. Make Peace with the Mirror (Even If She’s Brutal Before Coffee)
Okay, let’s talk: some mornings you look in the mirror and think, “Who... invited her?”
Puffy eyes, grown-out roots, yesterday’s eyeliner giving raccoon chic. The mirror doesn’t lie—but she sure doesn’t hold back either, especially before caffeine and kindness kick in.
And listen, I’m not about to feed you some sparkly nonsense like, “Just love your body!”—because that’s not how it works. You’re not gonna wake up tomorrow, look at your stretch marks and be like, “OMG, art!” (If you do, bless you. Teach me your ways, Obi-Wan.)
But you can start making peace with the woman staring back at you. Because she’s been through some shit. And she’s still here. Still showing up. Still trying.
Your body is not broken. Your face isn’t “gross.” You don’t need to earn your worth by fitting into some filtered fantasy where everyone has cheekbones and no pores. You are real. And real is powerful.
Actionable Tip:
Pick one part of your body that you usually trash-talk. Just one. Maybe it’s your belly, your arms, your thighs, your skin—whatever that usual target is. Now, make it your mission to catch yourself every single time you see it. Not to criticize, but to reframe.
And don’t worry about being poetic. We’re going for neutral-to-nice here. Baby steps.
Try:
“These thighs are strong.”
“This belly held a baby and also a lot of tacos. Iconic.”
“These arms give the best hugs. Also excellent at carrying all the groceries in one trip.”
You don’t have to be in love with it (yet). Just stop waging war. Compassion is louder than critique—if you let it speak.
5. Build a New Playlist in Your Brain
Alright, time for a little mental DJ-ing, because girl, you’ve been blasting the same toxic playlist in your head for years.
You know the one—featuring classics like:
🎶 “You’re Not Doing Enough”
🎶 “Everyone Else Has It Together But You”
🎶 “Remember That Embarrassing Thing from 2013? Let’s Relive It Again!”
Yeah… it’s tired. Played out. Let’s hit skip and build a new soundtrack—one that actually hypes you up instead of tearing you down.
Because here’s the deal: your thoughts are like background music. They set the mood, the energy, the vibe of your entire damn day. So if your brain is on a loop of self-doubt and guilt-jams, no wonder you’re feeling drained before 9 AM.
Actionable Tip:
Build a new playlist—mentally, not on Spotify (though that sounds fun too). Pick three affirmations or mantras that actually hit. None of that “I am a radiant goddess of light” fluff unless you’re into it. I’m talking real, gritty, honest-to-goodness stuff that speaks to your everyday chaos and courage.
Try these on for size:
“I’m doing the best I can—and that’s enough.”
“I get to show up messy and still be lovable.”
“My kids don’t need perfect. They need me—snacks in hand, dry shampoo and all.”
Write them down. Tape them to the bathroom mirror. Make one your phone lock screen. Scribble them on the inside of your planner or diaper bag. Say them out loud—especially when that inner critic starts DJ-ing again. Interrupt the noise. Change the station.
Because babe, your brain deserves better background music. Let’s make it a soundtrack that reminds you: you’re already enough.
6. Teach by Example—Even When It’s Hard
Okay, deep breath—this one hits right in the feels.
Here’s the gut-punch truth: your kid is learning how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself.
Not just how you treat them—they’re soaking in every side-eye you give the mirror, every “Ugh, I look gross,” every frustrated “Why can’t I just get it together?” moment.
Which means your self-kindness isn’t just a personal growth project—it’s full-on generational healing.
No pressure or anything. (Kidding. Kind of.)
But seriously, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real—and showing them what it looks like to be a work in progress with grace. To mess up, pause, and try again. To be kind to yourself out loud, on purpose, even when it feels weird or hard or like you’re still figuring it out (because… you are).
Actionable Tip:
Next time your kid hears you being hard on yourself—maybe about how you look, how you handled a meltdown, how the laundry mountain is now classified as a natural disaster—pause and reframe it out loud.
Say something like:
“Wow, I was being really hard on myself there. I’m trying to learn how to be nicer to me.”
Or, “I didn’t get it right today, but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. It means I’m human—and learning.”
It might feel small or awkward in the moment, but it’s powerful as hell. Because what they’ll remember isn’t the mistake—it’s the self-compassion that followed.
You’re not just raising them. You’re showing them how to raise themselves, one messy, grace-filled day at a time.
7. Give Yourself the Grace You Hand Out Like Halloween Candy
You know what you’re really good at? Giving grace.
You hand it out to your kids like it’s mini Snickers in October.
“You didn’t mean to yell? It’s okay, baby.”
“You forgot your homework again? Let’s figure it out together.”
“You spilled juice right after I mopped? Deep breath. It’s just juice. (And I hated mopping anyway.)”
You give grace to your friends when they vent, cancel, cry, or accidentally ghost you for three weeks. You even try to give it to that one lady who cut you off in traffic (though it’s more of a spiritual goal than a consistent win, and that’s okay).
But when you mess up? Oh no. Suddenly it’s Judge Judy in your brain, banging the gavel and reading you your full list of failures.
Let’s be real: the grace you pour out for everyone else? You deserve that, too. You’re not the exception. You’re the example.
Actionable Tip:
Next time you screw up, fall short, or feel like a hot mess express, try this:
Imagine your best friend just told you the exact same story. What would you say to her?
Now say that to yourself. Like, actually say it. Bonus points if you write it down like a note from your bestie:
“Hey babe, I know today felt rough, but you’re still doing amazing. You messed up, not because you suck, but because you’re human. Don’t be mean to my friend like that, okay?”
Sticky note it. Screenshot it. Make it your mantra. Because grace isn’t just for the people you love—it’s for you too.
Recap:
Notice the Mean Girl in Your Head – Start tracking those negative thoughts. Awareness is power.
Flip the Script – Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your child. With kindness. With love.
Break Up with “Should” – Replace shame-based language with possibility.
Make Peace with the Mirror – Ditch the hate. Aim for neutral-to-nice.
Build a New Playlist – Create affirmations that don’t make you gag, and repeat them daily.
Teach by Example – Let your self-love be the lesson your kid remembers.
Give Yourself Grace – You deserve the same compassion you give everyone else.
So yeah, maybe you’re not gonna wake up tomorrow singing love songs to your reflection or high-fiving yourself for crushing motherhood (or even basic hygiene). That’s not the point. The point is: you start noticing. You start talking to yourself like you matter. Like you’re worth kindness. Like you’re a whole damn person—not just a snack-fetching, meltdown-managing background character in everyone else’s story. Because guess what? That woman in the mirror? She’s been through a lot of shit. And she’s still standing. So maybe—just maybe—it’s time to stop bullying her and start having her back.
One mirror talk at a time. One deep breath at a time. One awkward affirmation mumbled while brushing your teeth at a time.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
